Dates of Distress…

There are many dates we are just geared to remember in our lives automatically from childhood into adulthood: birthdays, anniversary’s, holidays, and others that may play a role in our everyday lives…

WE have dates too just like everyone else, but there are additional dates plugged into our brains, ones we don’t want to remember, ones that bring heartache, heartbreak and many times devastation to our lives…These are dates and times of our child’s diagnosis with childhood cancer, surgeries, start/end of chemo’s, and bad news; the list goes on, dates we should not ever have to hear. You try very hard to get past these days as the calendar reaches them, you tell yourself this year will be different: this day we will make it matter for other reasons/happier ones, you try to replace bad news/feelings with great memories and positives news…you can’t; you just can’t replace these days as if they never existed, because they are a part of you, your family, your heart, and your life. These date are dates that no one should ever have to have embedded in their minds, no one should have to look at that calendar and dread what tomorrow will bring because they were told however long ago it was, their child has cancer, time is limited, no more we can do, and again the list goes on and on. Too many parents are hearing these words too many times; one bad piece of news after another…IT NEEDS TO CHANGE!!!
Today on September 27, 2012 we stopped Nathan’s chemo, we stopped his treatments because his treatments were and had caused so much damage to his organs that the next one could be the one proven to shut anyone of if not more then one, shut them down, them? His organs! We had to choose his path that day and decide if we were going to continue to fight his cancer or try to save his organs now…how do you as a parent, not educated n this world make this decision; you have to weigh it all in and decide on the here and the now; it’s like using the scale system to decide your child’s life and these are decisions the Dr.s cannot make for you, just provide you with information to help you along the way. we decided to try and save his organs; to try and maybe prevent failure and need to transplant, we won’t really ever know if we’ve succeeded till we get there because it could happen at any time now in his life, his organs are damaged that’s a definite but what does that mean for him? It means you go everyday just praying you made the right decision. Its dates like these I talk about above, dates that you should not have to hear when you are enjoying your child grow. This is a date that will as well as many other forever be engraved into my mind, not for a lack of trying to erase it, you cannot; it don’t work like that. Just when you thought it may be gone you have to explain his last day of chemo to someone and that he didn’t finish his treatment plan and why he didn’t finish…
Oh and let’s not forget he’s sitting right there next t you listening-observing your every move and taking in every word you say, they understand far more then you give them credit for; for this is how they grew up listening to these discussions and terminology around them…IT’S NOT RIGHT!!! So many times more then not I hear the question how long has he been off treatment? I reply with the correct time and I hear excitement, yes that’s great I am excited but for Nathan there has been a game changer in there that many do not know or understand anything about…This day 4 years ago changed many things for Nathan; everyday is precious for us because we truly do not know what tomorrow will bring, but yet we have to raise him in a way that he’s normal; when all we want to do is just celebrate everyday that he’s ok and nothing is going on. You just can’t and usually don’t explain that to everyone…that bittersweet day of “no-more chemo” and “organ(s) failure- high risk” you hear phrases like it’s not “IF” for your son now it’s “WHEN“…WHAT??!! yes you hear these words, you deal with changes along the way that only make you wanna celebrate everyday because you just don’t know what’s lurking around the next corner…

These are dates you just can’t get past…those dreaded, embedded dates!

Childhood cancer knows no boundaries and treatments are very old and were created for adults…help make that difference in the way our children get treated while fighting childhood cancer(S)… SHOW YOU CARE BE AWARE!!!!

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail